I'm Still Here Sweetheart

I knew it would hit. Not like a freight train, knocking me down hard. But I knew grief would start appearing. 

Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in September 2019. She was aware of her memory lapses, and navigated it as gracefully as she could. We continued to remind her that she was safe with us and we'd take care of her. As the symptoms progressed I started losing Mom back then. Each time we'd get together, she'd become more isolated, her world closing in. Personality changes started to appear. We had a long period of rebellion, denial, anger. That was the hardest time. In my sister and my eyes, Mom was acting like a child and we were having to parent her, and a few times yell.  We didn't grow up with yelling and here I was screaming at her to try to get through to her about how her choices were selfish and dangerous. And then minutes later, she didn't remember that I had come so unglued. 

I told myself that I'd already starting grieving over the loss of my Mom and yet I could still talk to her, spend time with her, and be with her physical presence. I told myself that I was given a long time to process the loss of her, thinking it would be easier when she finally passed. 

In her last days on Earth Mom told us that she'd be with us, we'd have her forever and always. Not alive, but in our hearts, and it the space between. She gave us a connection to look for. I shared on social media, a bit of a eulogy, her reminder to look for her as we look into the setting sun. The blink refers to the very moment the sun sets below the horizon. She always waited and stared at the horizon to see the blink:

Waiting for the blink. 

Each day the sky is different and Mom was different. 

I was lucky enough to spend 6 beautiful weeks with Mom at the ocean this year. As much as I could, I’d get her down to the beach to enjoy the beautiful sunset and appreciate the expanse of the ocean. 

Mom would say as we waited for the sun to set, “Wendy most people don’t wait for the blink. They don’t see the blink. Wait for it.”

I waited for a blink each day to see a glimpse of what Mom was. Memory issues are a slow slow grieving process. I don’t think it will make the finality of death any easier. I kid myself that I can still talk to her. Death will stop that.  

On Sunday evening as she began her final journey she said to Amy and I, “Did you see me drifting by?”

Without waiting for our reply, she said “No? Well don’t blink your eyes!”

I will think of Mom with every sunset I watch, waiting for the blink. 

Mom took her last breath here on earth today. 

Be joyful, be funny, be you Mom. 

What a graceful beautiful ending.

There's not a lot of sunsets in the winter in the Pacific Northwest. Cloudy, rain, overcast. With a delivery of a beautiful homemade cake this weekend, I realized Mom has been reaching out to me, making sure I'm okay. Mom loved taking care of her family, and she showed her love through food. Born in 1940, Mom delivered staples like stew, soup, pot roast, roasted vegetables, as well as pies, cookies, cakes. Her pie crusts were flaky, and delicious. Apple crisps, berry cobblers and brownies fill my memories of afterschool treats. 

The 1st time Mom nudged me? My school friend Jennifer stopped by for a walk through the neighborhood after Christmas. I think I talked the whole time, obviously needing to say out loud what Amy and I experienced in the last days of Mom's journey. Jen gave me a box of Christmas cookies. After she left, I opened the box to find all the cookies Mom used to make. The love my friend put into the goodies, the love she had for me to reach out and make sure I was okay. I felt nurtured, cared for, and loved. 

The 2nd time was with a delivery around 10pm from a working Mom who had just finished making cakes and texted me to see if I was still up. Yes, sure swing by. A lovely card of sympathy and two warm homemade cakes. 

On Friday night, I see a card on the counter. No name on it. I asked Reyde and James what it was. Reyde said, "Mom open the microwave, that goes with the card:

Our neighbors sent the card and the cake across the street. So kind. A homemade cake, a few sprinkles to make it brighter, drizzled with a lemon glaze. In the text exchange, I realized that Mom was reaching out to me again:

You and Karen are the best neighbors.  Thank you for the card and cake.  Mom showed her love through food. As kids, my sister and I would come home from school and Mom would have the house smelling of cookies or brownies. Christmas was all about the baked goods. Your cake made me feel loved. That little girl in my heart was brought forward last night. Thank you. I needed to remember that feeling associated with my Mom. 

 Well that is my moms favorite cake. I mixed it in my moms bowl and used my moms hand written recipe. So you must of felt the mommy love which was the point🥰your mom was such a cutie she had a lot of me in her😆my ❤️shares in your loss.    You guys are soooo welcome and we too are blessed to have neighbors looking out for us like you guys. Happy spring few..... we almost made it. 

 Yes. I absolutely felt all that Mom love. You are something else Julia! The spirit world and connection in the space between is so real. 

A lot of who I am is because of my Mom. The days will be hard, the tears will flow and I will cry them, be sad and move forward. And as I enjoy the sunsets, enjoy homebaked goods, and watch for other ways Mom is making sure I'm okay, I'm reminded that she is and will always be with me. 

"I'm still here Sweetheart," love, Mom.

 

Becoming a Better Salesperson, Teachings from Amanda Gorman 

As I reflect back on Wednesday’s inauguration ceremony I sit in awe of our Youth Poet Laureate, Amanda Gorman. At first the creative in me soaked up every word used, her cadence in delivery, the hero’s journey she took us on, and the hope and inspiration she left us with as she exited the stage. I took it all in, my heart full of love for my country, our people, and our will to contribute to a better world.

Let’s watch the recital one more time:

Watch CBSN Youth Poet Laureate Amanda Gorman recites poem at Joe Biden's inauguration

Incredible right? Politics aside, absorb the performance for what it is. Who expected that? This young woman held our attention for 5 of the 60-minute inauguration. I’m smiling and getting chills as I write these sentences.

As I reflect a few days later, I also see how much I can learn, and our team can learn from this young woman on the world stage. How do her performance and poem correlate to sales, sales training, business?

 

1.     Recalibrate. At the beginning of her performance, Amanda steps up to the podium, takes her time to open her binder, breathes, looks up, pauses and then begins. There are no filler words, there is confidence in the quiet of the stage before she starts. As you begin your next meeting internally or with clients, pause, prepare, and then begin.

2.     Preparation. We don’t know how long it took to write the poem. How many drafts and re-writes occurred. I’d like to think that it was written well before January 6^th, and after the events of that day, Ms. Gorman modified the poem to incorporate the recent history of our democracy. How often do you plan and prepare for your next call or meeting? Do you write down your talking points and understand what the intention of the time spent with the client is? What is success? What do you want to achieve?

3.     Practice. How many times do you think she practiced before Wednesday morning? How many times did she film herself to listen to her own voice and critique her cadence, her choice of hand gestures, the sweep of looking out at the crowd? Think back to your last big meeting, or your next meeting coming up? Is it the “biggest deal ever?” What have you done to practice for your biggest play of the year or an important topic that you want to influence the outcome in your favor? Practice practice practice. Record yourself. Video conferencing is critical in our WFH business conditions.

4.     Bring your notes! Ms. Gorman’s confidence to bring her binder, consistently refer back to it, while commanding the stage is excellent. If you don’t have your notes/call plan/meeting agenda with you, you are likely to forget a topic or have the call go in a different direction. In this same vein, take notes. As you listen to your client, and you hear key information, finish listening and when there is a break in the conversation, ask for a moment to write down the note. Your client will appreciate that you are taking notes, and actively listening. You can’t listen and write at the same time. The silence in the meeting is fine and acceptable. No filler words needed!

5.     Appearance. Ms. Gorman is vibrant in her color choice of a yellow coat, and her red hairband. The barely present yellow eye shadow glowed in the sunshine and against her clothing. Do you think about your clothing during these times? What does your clothing say to your clients when you are video conferencing? Is your camera angle good? Does video image convey what you want it to convey as you try to close the deal? Use colors in your favor. Use lighting to your advantage. Be professional.

6.     Be vulnerable, be brave. Ms. Gorman shares in the poem her background. People buy from people. Create business relationships that become friendships. It’s not all business, and certainly, during these WFH pandemic conditions, we all can benefit from being authentic, and sharing insight into who we are.

7.     Know your audience. Ms. Gorman’s poem reaches out and speaks to all walks of life. She acknowledges all and requests a call to action for us to unite despite our differences.  Knowing your audience in sales is critical. The 4 personality styles we train with at AMMEX are from Jack Daly’s Hyper Sales Growth:

 

I aspire to incorporate all personality styles like she did in my next meetings. I am an analytical more than an expressive. I can do better with my storytelling to reach the expressive. I know I have lost sales because I didn’t speak in the way the buyer hears. And in the same vein, I need to be patient with the amiables around me! 

    8. Hero’s Journey. Listen to her poem one more time. The title in itself is a                hero’s journey, The Hill We Climb.The hero’s journey is a common template         of stories dating back to the 1800s. If you think about your favorite movie 

        or book, you’ll likely find the framework in the story.

Wikipedia, Hero's Journey

 

 

My favorite thought leader at this time is Brene’ Brown. As I listened to her podcast this weekend, the hero’s journey came up again. I heard the journey in Ms. Gorman’s performance both in her poem, and her own journey to the world stage.  And then I had an aha moment. In sales and in business, our customers want to be the hero; we want our product to be the hero. I will incorporate storytelling and invoking the hero’s journey as I lead our team to reach our goals in 2021. 

   9. Game filming. Is there anything Ms. Gorman could have done differently? Do       you game film your meetings and presentations? Be reflective, be critical of          your behavior. We get better when we practice and when we open ourselves          to feedback. Get your feedback loop going!

     The only thing I could possibly give as feedback on Ms. Gorman’s performance is at the very end. The camera angle showed President Biden moving towards her to speak to her. It looks like he wanted to congratulate her and she exited swiftly, not acknowledging him. A pause here, accepting the accolades of our new president would have been great. I’d like to think that this slight misstep was due to the tightly scripted timing of the inauguration schedule. And she may have been just full of adrenaline and wanted to get off the stage. And truly, there is absolutely nothing critical of her performance. I do not begin to judge.

So as I conclude my writing on the influence of Amanda Gorman in business, I leave you with the first and last sentences of her poem:

…When day comes, we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade? 

…For there is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.